


painting me a dream that i wanna belong in

by blossomserpent



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, alcoholism (very brief), canon up until 2x13, mentions of family death, the 2x14 promo inspired me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 13:56:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13882278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blossomserpent/pseuds/blossomserpent
Summary: "Besides the fact that you made me get on that monstrosity of yours.""Besides that." Toni briefly rolls her eyes before she looks down at their hands and then up again, directly into the other girl's eyes, "I know you've never truly hated me, Cheryl. Not for one second. I think you're capable of a lot of things but hating people for no reason isn't one of them."





	painting me a dream that i wanna belong in

Cheryl Blossom is clutching onto the roses in her hands like she wants to hurt herself. Like maybe she deserves to bleed.

Because she's stupid. So fucking stupid.

Josie McCoy is the most beautiful girl on this planet and all Cheryl wanted for her was happiness. She'd given up on getting people to love her a long time ago but now she can't even get loving someone else right, and that definitely stings more than the thorns sticking into her pale fingers.

"That looked pretty rough. Are you okay?"

Toni Topaz is looking at her with something akin to a concerned frown. No. Who is she fooling? That's an expression of sheer pity, maybe a little secondhand embarrassment.

"Fine. You can get back to your snake friends now."

"No."

It's all she responds before reaching her hands forward to touch her. Cheryl steps back instinctively.

"Don't touch me." She mutters, eyes stubbornly focused on a stain on the dirty restroom floors.

"Okay, I won't." Toni takes a step back and holds her hands up a little so Cheryl sees she's not going to try again, "Just please let go of the flowers. You're hurting yourself."

"Why do you care?"

The voice in Cheryl's head is sounding more like her mom every day and it's truly terrifying. Almost as terrifying as her real mom can be when she wants to. And Penelope always seems to want Cheryl to quiver before her. Like she gets a kick out of the step back Cheryl takes when she opens her mouth to shout or finds a sick kind of empowerment in the way her daughter flinches at the mere raise of a hand.

"Because, unlike your prejudices probably suggest, I'm actually a decent person with a functioning pair of eyes who can see that, clearly, you're in a lot of pain right now. Not just your hands."

For some reason Cheryl loosens her grip on the roses at the girl's words, and when the blood starts flowing freely she drops the flowers in one of the sinks. They're dirty anyway.

"Thank you." Toni simply says, "Now can I look at your hands?"

Cheryl holds out her hands for the other girl to examine, too tired to object any longer. She doesn't bother keeping up a front for the girl, not when she knows that they'll go back to hating each other sooner rather than later and maybe it feels nice to pretend someone cares for a while, even if it's a serpent in a high school bathroom.

"So you got a thing for the mayor's daughter." Toni states more than asks as she gently cleans Cheryl's palms with a piece of toilet paper.

Cheryl just shrugs, "None of your business."

"Look I get it. It sucks falling for straight girls." When Cheryl doesn't respond Toni finishes up in silence. Softly running a thumb over the already dried up wounds before letting go, "All clean."

Cheryl's hands feel cold without the other pair's warmth and they still hurt a little but she fumbles with them anyway, a habit her mom once said makes her look like _the weak little girl she'll always be_.

"Did you get over them? The straight girls." Cheryl feels ridiculous using the word straight in a way that implies she isn't but she has to know.

"Honestly? You never get over it completely. But I know something that helps."

"What is it?"

"Falling for a not-so-straight girl instead. It makes you realize how much better it feels when it's reciprocated. Like you're finally receiving the love you give back."

"I don't think I'll ever know how that feels."

It just slips out and she immediately regrets it as that same frown returns to the other girl's face.

"That's what you think, until someone surprises you."

"I hate surprises."

Toni chuckles, "Promise you won't hate this one, Red."

The bell rings.

"Chemistry calls." Toni swings her backpack over her back and starts walking towards the door when she looks at Cheryl over her shoulder, "Take care, okay?"

Cheryl regrets her own silence as soon as she's alone with it.

  
—

  
Cheryl hears Josie's phone go straight to voicemail for the fourth time that night when the bell ringing makes her divert her attention immediately. Even though she knows it's just one of her mother's clients, she secretly has hope that it's- The door opens and a male voice fills the hallway, crushing that stupid hope.

She sighs and lies back down on her bed before pressing call again.

"Hi."

Toni Topaz is in her doorway,

"Your mom left the door unlocked so I snuck in after the coast was clear."

She was gonna ring the doorbell like a normal human, she really was, but then that man rang it before she could get there and her Serpent instincts took over.

Cheryl gasps and quickly sits up,"You know this is illegal right?"

"Well that would make for two illegal visitors in this house." Toni smirks

"It's not funny." Cheryl mutters, hanging up on the voicemail recording she knows by heart.

"Sorry, I know it's not. But hey, at least she's not doing it to fuel a drug addiction or something, I had this one weird step-aunt who-"

"Excuse me, but what are you doing here?"

"Oh." Toni seems a little taken aback and then deep in thought, before explaining, "I just wanted to check up on you."

"Well task completed, now shoo, intruder. This isn't a family business."

Toni chuckles, "See that was kinda funny." She sits down on the chair in front of Cheryl's vanity, "Look, I just figured you might wanna go somewhere else, you know with your mom and all.'

"I'm used to it."

"Doesn't mean it doesn't bother you."

"Perhaps you're right, I could use a little distraction."

"Meet me outside in 10? Oh and you're gonna wanna wear pants, Blossom."

"Why would I-" before she can finish her sentence Toni's halfway down her drainpipe.

As she rolls her eyes at the other girl's unusual antics Cheryl can't help but notice that she feels a little better.

When she finds out why Toni told her to wear pants however she's back to herself.

"You done?" Is all Toni responds to Cheryl's rant about things like safety and the carbon footprint, before handing her her spare helmet.

"I'm only agreeing to this because I don't like to waste an outfit."

Toni looks her up and down and it's so quick Cheryl feels like she might have imagined it.

"That'd be a waste indeed." Toni concludes before she swings her leg over the seat and pats the space behind her. "Don't be scared, just hold on to me."

Cheryl quickly puts the helmet on. (totally not in case her body's reaction to that thought shows from under her make up.)

"My poor hair." She sulks as her arms wrap around Toni's torso, hands awkwardly resting on her abdomen.

"Your hands feel better?"

Cheryl can hear the concern and it makes her feel a little less scared to be on a motorcycle with this girl. Not that she didn't feel safe in the first place.

"They're fine." And, okay, Cheryl's really happy with the helmet right now.

"Good. I'm gonna start the engine now, okay?"

Cheryl simply nods, tightening her grip just a little.

It's not until they're on the road that Cheryl realizes she didn't even ask where Toni's planning on driving them.

  
—

 

Their destination turns out to be the little movie theatre in the next town over and Toni tells Cheryl her hair still looks perfect as she's fixing it in the mirrors of the motorcycle.

"I could've taken you to a place somewhere close but I figured you might appreciate a little time away from that town." Toni explains as they get in line at the ticket booth. "I know I do."

"You're right. But I didn't bring any money."

"Good thing I'm paying then."

"Alright I'll just bring the money I owe you to school tomorrow."

Toni chuckles, "Please don't, Cheryl, I got it. You can pay some other time."

Cheryl doesn't comment on what that last part implies but it definitely doesn't go unnoticed as a small smile creeps onto her face before she's even realized it.

  
—

 

So the movie's really lame - Cheryl can't believe Toni's actually laughing - but at least she's thinking about something other than her mom and Josie for a while, even if that thing she's thinking about is a serpent with a bad taste in movies. And hair colors.

 

—

 

"It's getting late, let’s get back." Toni suggests after 10 minutes of bickering about the movie outside the theatre.

"Not yet." Cheryl heats up with embarrassment at how fast she objected. She adds a, "Please." anyway.

"Won't your mom worry about where you are?"

Both of them realize the stupidity of that question right away and neither address it any further.

"So where do you wanna go?"

"I don't know. Just take me anywhere but home."

The words cause something in Toni to hurt for Cheryl like it did when she found her crying in the school bathroom.

But she figures if she were in Cheryl's position she wouldn't want anyone's pity, especially not a gang member's, so she smiles instead, "I think I can work with that."

"Good. Surprise me then." And Cheryl takes one of the helmets from Toni's hands and puts it on like she's done it a hundred times before. "Chop chop, Topaz." She adds when the girl doesn't follow her to the bike right away.

When Toni gets to Cheryl and her bike no more than a minute later Cheryl's leaned against the bike with an unimpressed look on her face. "You always make a girl wait like that?"

Toni knows it's meant to be playful where just a minute ago Cheryl looked empty and Toni thinks she may never figure Cheryl Blossom out completely but might spend the rest of her life trying if she's not careful.

 

—

 

"These are abandoned cars."

"Yup." Toni opens her seat and pulls out a small bottle of Jack.

"Me and my friends used to go here all the time when we were like 13. If we're lucky we can find a working radio in one." She takes a small swig and hands the bottle to Cheryl without offering before walking onto the site.

It takes Cheryl a few minutes of just observing before her competitive nature kicks in.

"Bet I can find a working radio before you." She yells as she joins the other girl.

"Oh, you're on, Blossom."

 

—

 

It only takes another 30 minutes for Toni to get signal from one of the less busted cars, it takes another 15 for her to convince Cheryl that dirt on her pants isn't the end of the world, and then they argue for another few before Cheryl's sitting on the hood of the car with Toni's beloved leather jacket protecting her from the dirt.

Toni sticks her head back in the car and starts adjusting the channels,

"Stop messing with it you'll break it."

"I'd rather break it than listen to the Country top 50."

"Fair."

And Toni wishes she didn't have her head inside a smelly car because it sounded like Cheryl was smiling as she said that.

She manages to change the channel to something that sounds a little less revolting before sitting down on the other half of the car's hood.

They spend some time in silence, taking sips from the liquor bottle and listening to the music.

"You see that white one over there?" Toni asks as she points off to their left.

Cheryl nods, "Why?"

"It was my parents."

"It looks bad." Cheryl realizes her own bluntness and adds, "No offense."

"None taken. It does look bad. A car crash usually does that to cars."

"What happened?" Cheryl knows it couldn't have been good as she watches Toni take not a sip but a gulp from the bottle.

"He was a drunk," she holds up the bottle, "Ironic, I know."

Cheryl gently takes the bottle from her and holds onto it, just to be safe. Toni doesn't protest.

"Got into that car. Jackass ended up on the wrong side of the highway. Killed a woman and her 9 year old son. And himself."

"I'm so sorry, Toni, that's-"

"Awful, horrible, shitty, I know." She sighs and the shakiness doesn't go unnoticed by Cheryl, "You know I made my mom drive me to the funeral and apologize? I was 11."

Cheryl doesn't know what to say so instead she lays the hand that's not clutching the bottle on top of Toni's. She feels it tremble and then stop as their fingers entwine just a little.

"How are you so strong after going through something that horrible?"

"I could ask you the same."

"I'm not strong, Toni."

"I know that's not true."

"I tried to kill myself. That's weakness."

Toni doesn't even flinch,

"You're still here. That's strength."

Toni places her hand on top of Cheryl's this time, before taking it.

"I don't deserve this. Why are you being so nice to me when I've been nothing but awful to you?"

"I knew it was never personal. I knew your history with some of my friends but I knew I had a clean conscience. Still do."

"Besides the fact that you made me get on that monstrosity of yours."

"Besides that." Toni briefly rolls her eyes before she looks down at their hands and then up again, directly into the other girl's eyes, "I know you've never truly hated me, Cheryl. Not for one second. I think you're capable of a lot of things but hating people for no reason isn't one of them."

 

—

 

They uber home for obvious reasons, Cheryl quickly slipping in and out of her house to pay for the both of them before sending Toni off to the Southside.

Her thumbs tremble as she's constructing a thank you text to Toni, who added herself to Cheryl's contacts under the name Cha cha. Cheryl had smiled when she read it and Toni had smiled at that and joked, "Those shorts with that top. Best day of my life."

"Thanks for tonight. You're right I don't hate you."

She presses send before the alcohol she's consumed makes her add, "Quite the contrary actually."

"i think youll come to find that im always right"

The immediate response makes her smile just a little but she replies with the emoji that's rolling its eyes.

"sweet dreams cheryl bombshell"

"Goodnight, Cha cha."

And Cheryl actually has sweet dreams that night for the first time in a long time.

 

—

 

When Cheryl sees Josie for the first time since that embarrassing incident Toni rests her hand on her lower back, and it feels like it's the only thing holding her upright.

"If you love someone you hold onto them right?" Cheryl's eyes look empty, "You don't let them go?"

Toni shakes her head as she watches Josie pass without acknowledging either of them, "If you really love someone you let them go."

Once Josie's out of sight Toni gently takes Cheryl's schedule from in between the stack of books in the girl's arms.

"You got your history books?"

Cheryl nods,

"Good. I have English on the same floor," _She really doesn't_. "Want me to walk you?"

Cheryl musters a small smile and nods even though she feels like she's gonna throw up.

 

—

 

When she walks out of the classroom after her AP history class that day Toni's leaned against the wall across from the door.

The girl's smiling and waving at her as soon as their eyes meet and something inside Cheryl feels like it flourishes.

She smiles back without even having to think about it for a second.

  
—

 

It's been two weeks since Josie rejected Cheryl. It's also been two weeks since Toni took her away on her motorcycle and they became friends (friends that hold hands and maybe flirt).

Right now they're doing homework in the library, or at least that's what Cheryl thought they were both occupied with until Toni slips a folded note across the space between them.

Cheryl snorts before unfolding it.

She snorts again at the note's contents:

**_cheryl blossom do u wanna go out w me?_ **   
**_o yes_ **   
**_o no_ **

And it's so ridiculously dumb and middle school but Cheryl blushes anyway. She decides to play along and grabs her pen without looking up from the paper.

_**o only if we can take my car this time** _

She fills in the circle next to her own added option before folding the note up again and slipping it back. All with a completely straight face.

"Hey that wasn't an option." Toni scoffs as she reads her now adjusted note.

"Take it or leave it, Topaz."

Cheryl's eyes don't even leave her homework when she adds, "And I'm taking you to Pops."

"Oh and when did you decide that?"

"Last Thursday when you said you'd never been."

"So you decided we were going on a date last Thursday and just forgot to mention it to me?"

"I just wanted to make you feel like you were in control because I know how much you like it."

"Why do I actually think that's considerate and sweet of you even though it makes no sense?"

"Because you have a crush on me." Cheryl finally looks at her, "You know you're usually not this slow."

"Well," Toni tries to glare at the other girl as convincingly as possible, " _you_ have a crush on _me_."

Cheryl _giggles_ and it feels weird because it's been so long since that's happened, "Solid comeback, Cha cha."

Toni isn't used to this. She's usually so good with the people she's interested in and always knows exactly what to do and say.

"You know I'm just teasing." Cheryl's so good at reading Toni it still amazes her after two weeks of them spending nearly every day together, "Are you free this Friday?"

"Yeah."

"Great. If I go home now I think I'll have an outfit selected in time to pick you up at 7." Cheryl starts putting her stuff in her bag.

"It's Wednesday."

"God, I know, don't remind me." She gets up, "See you tomorrow." And she leans down to press a quick kiss to Toni's cheek before making her exit.

As Toni touches her cheek to check if there's a lipstick mark she thinks she may never figure Cheryl Blossom out completely but might spend the rest of her life trying if the other girl will let her.

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from anywhere by rita ora.
> 
> and thank u to sapphire and hannah for proofreading!!!


End file.
